Amuzing quiz

Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth? Mt.Everest

Can a man legally marry his widow's sister in the state of California? No, he's dead

Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible? She lived in the southern hemisphere.

He has married many women, but has never been married. Who is he? A preacher.

How many of each animal did Moses take on the ark? Moses didnt make the ark, Noah did.

How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25? Once, because after you subtract it's not 25 anymore.

How much dirt is in a hole 4 feet deep and 2 feet wide? There is no dirt in a hole.

I know a word of letters three, add two and fewer there will be. Few

If a rooster laid a brown egg and a white egg, what kind of chicks would hatch? Roosters don't lay eggs.

If two's company and three's a crowd, what are four and five? 9

If you were in a dark room with a candle, a woodstove, a match and a gas lamp which do you light first? The match

If you were standing directly on Antarcticas South Pole facing north, which direction would you travel if you took one step backward? North

Is an old hundred dollar bill better than a new one? No, I'd rather have $100 bill than a new $1 bill.

No sooner spoken than broken. What is it? Silence or a promise.

Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days; how many have 28? Every month has at least 28 days.

Take off my skin -- I won't cry, but you will! What am I? An onion.

The more it dries, the wetter it gets. What is it? A towel.

The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they? Foot steps.

There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. He has a wife and 2 kids. What does he weigh? Meat

What can burn the eyes, sting the mouth, yet be consumed? Peppers

What can go up a chimney down but can't go down a chimney up? An umbrella.

What can go up and come down without moving? The temperature.

What can pass before the sun without making a shadow? The Earth.

Why we shouldn't grumble about Eglish spelling

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and key boards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with " f ". This will make words like fotograf 20%
shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing " th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, v e vil al be speking Jerman like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

Ending a Myth with a Bang

      When I was little, my two cousins and I usually spent the holidays with each other's families in turn. The three of us slept in one big bed. We kept each other awake most of the night, talking about the mysteries and wonders of Christmas morning. Our stockings were always huge and in the morning when we woke, the first thing we did was check what was inside. 
      One Christmas Eve I woke at the critical moment, and saw, not Santa Claus, but three familiar figures hissing from the doorway 'Hurry up - don't wake them!' I lay as still as death. Next morning I shattered the already somewhat shaky illusions of my two cousins. We told no one what we knew, and kept our secret for a year. 
      The following Christmas Eve we laid a Santatrap. This consisted of a collection of kitchen utensils - saucepans laid in strategic positions on the floor, a baking tin filled with forks and spoons balanced on the top of the floor, kettles hung from the ceiling. We kept awake until at last we heard the sound of footsteps from the stairs, accompanied by 'shushes' from the aunts. The trap worked beautifully. The uncles and my father, merry and unsuspecting, after an evening's celebration, were approaching with their sacks of presents. As they pushed the door open, the tins and cutlery crashed round their ears. Pushed forward by the screaming aunts, they fell over the pots and pans and bumped into the hanging kettles. The lights went on. We leapt up and jumped on them, screaming in triumph, ending the happy myth with a bang.

(based on The L-shaped Room by Lynne Reid Banks)

Sand

(Dictation - upper-intermediate/ advanced)       

         Among the many thousands of things that I have never been able to understand, one in particular stands out. That is the question of who was the first person who stood by a pile of sand and said, ‘You know, I bet if we took some of this and mixed it with a little potash and heated it, we could make a material that would be solid and yet transparent. We could call it glass.’ Call me obtuse, but you could stand me on a beach till the end of time and never would it occur to me to try to make it into windows.

         Much as I admire sand’s miraculous ability to be transformed into useful objects like glass and concrete, I am not a great fan of it in its natural state. To me, it is primarily a hostile barrier that stands between a car park and water. It blows in your face, gets in your sandwiches, swallows vital objects like car keys and coins. In hot countries, it burns your feet and makes you squeal and hop to the water in a fashion that people with better bodies find amusing. When you are wet, it adheres to you like stucco, and cannot be shifted with a fireman’s hose. But – and here’s the strange thing – the moment you step on a beach towel, climb into a car or walk across a recently vacuumed carpet it all falls off.

        For days afterwards, you tip astounding, mysteriously undiminishing piles of it onto the floor every time you take off your shoes, and spray the vicinity with quantities more when you peel off your socks. Sand stays with you for longer than many contagious diseases. And dogs use it as a lavatory. No, you may keep sand as far as I am concerned.

After Bill Bryson "Notes from a small island" 

One perfect rose

1. Cut this poem into lines.
2. Give each student a line, ask them to memorize their lines, collect the pieces of paper back.
3. The students have to arrange the lines into a poem by walking around and telling one another their lines.
4. The students stand in a line and say the poem.

A single flower he sent me, since we met.

All tenderly his messenger he chose;

Deep-hearted, pure, with scented dew still wet-

One perfect rose.

I knew the language of the floweret,

“My fragile leaves,” it said, “his heart enclose.”

Love long has taken for his amulet

One perfect rose.

Why is it no one ever sent me yet

One perfect limousine, do you suppose?

Ah no, it’s always just my luck to get

One perfect rose.

Dorothy Parker

Smart blonde

     A blonde walks into a bank in London and asks to see the Manager. She says she's going to Hong Kong on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000. The Manager says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Ferrari.The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.The Manager and the tellers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a £200,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41. The Manager says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionairess. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow £5,000?"The blonde replies..."Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"